Beautiful Transformation

This past Monday our family celebrated five years of adoption. Looking back five years ago at all my insecurities and fears. God has brought me a long way. I was so paralyzed by fear that I was scared to walk through my house in broad daylight. I cared so much about what people thought about me Gods truth and how He saw me. Anxiously I waited by the phone for my birth parents to call me. I still longed for their acceptance and love. I tried so hard to excuse their behavior and hope for the best, that they would get better. Five years later at age seventeen I am learning that God has not given me a spirit of fear so I am able to walk in freedom. Insecurities hold me bondage but God breaks the chains. He says I am beautiful, a diamond being refined. Worry and anxiety is not trusting God. It is basically say that what I am feeling is more important than trusting Him. God already knows what will happen in every situation. I am learning to stand on my own two feet and on the word of God despite what the world is doing. God has done a tremendous transformation in my heart through out these past five years. If I was not adopted then who knows where I would be! All because two people obeyed the calling God placed on their life, I have freedom, peace and an overwhelming joy that I can not contain and I am so grateful for what God has done and is doing in my life.

Love Intervened

About four years ago my birth parents told me that my birth mom was pregnant again. The news did not come easily, lie after lie the truth was finally revealed. The thought of having a sister was baffling, not knowing if we would be able to adopt her at would happen was very hard for me. I didn't understand why my own birth parents would lie to me. One would think that I would be used to the lies. I would always just keep running back to them despite their deep flaws and the addictions they have. though it was very hard for me I knew that I shouldn't count on everything they say to be true! One of the hardest outlooks for an older child who is in foster care is the nagging thoughts of why didn't they want me anymore? These young kids also believe that it was their fault that they were taken away from their parents. From the Christian perspective the thoughts that penetrate the minds of these young people are lies from Stan. He wants to steal all joy, happiness, peace these kids may have. He wants to sow seeds of turmoil, destruction, and anger. Many of the lies that these young foster kids I have believed myself. I got the privilege to learn of a love that never fails. A love that calms, reassures,  loves beyond all faults, This loves name is Jesus. He totally flipped my life. Changed my thinking d reassures me that everything would be ok. The lies didn't just vanish and life wasn't going to be problem free. Trials come to test you and make you stronger and I believe the news of Skylar being born was a trial to learn to trust God no matter what the circumstance is. He knows the plans he has for me and promises to work all things out for my good. I am blessed with a wonderful little sister named Skylar Grace and she truly is an example of Gods grace to our family, especially me.

His Love Cast Out Fear

The other day I was thinking and praying about a subject to blog about. I decided to write about a memory that came to mind. A memory that had an affect on me even though I didn't know it would. One time my sister and I walked down in our basement. We saw the light go off and felt our way to the stairs to find the door locked. We cried because we were so afraid. I have no idea what possessed my dad to do that. As a little girl he always told me that I was his little girl and he loved me. After that day there was a distance put between my dad and I. If he locked me in the basement, what else would he do? Know looking back to this memory, I believe that Gods is using it to teach me to trust him as my heavenly father. To lean on his unfailing love, to know he will never hurt me. I have reassurance because he spared me through some of the roughest times in my life even though I had no idea. I have forgiven my birth dad and pray for him everyday. The nagging thoughts are still there and I had panicking thoughts when I felt alone in the dark. Know I lean on God and the verse that says God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. The spirit of fear comes from Satan trying to destroy me and pull me away from Jesus. Nothing can separate me from the love and Jesus and he will always protect me.
Even though I walk through the valleyOf the shadow of deathYour perfect love is casting out fearAnd even when I'm caught in the middleOf the storms of this lifeI won't turn back, I know You are near
And I will fear no evilFor my God is with meAnd if my God is with meWhom then shall I fear?Whom then shall I fear?
Oh no, You never let goThrough the calm and through the stormOh no, You never let goIn every high and every lowOh no, You never let goLord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is comingFor the heart that holds onA glorious light beyond all compareAnd there will be an end to these troublesBut until that day comesWe'll live to know You here on the earth[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/you-never-let-go-lyrics-jeremy-camp.html ]
Oh no, You never let goThrough the calm and through the stormOh no, You never let goIn every high and every lowOh no, You never let goLord, You never let go of me
Yes, I can see a light that is comingFor the heart that holds onAnd there will be an end to these troublesBut until that day comesStill I will praise You.

Read more: JEREMY CAMP - YOU NEVER LET GO LYRICS

Picking Up The Broken Pieces

I have decided not to let my past hurt me any longer. For so long the feelings of doubt, anxiety, fear, and brokeness plagued me. I was always afraid to let anyone in to how I was truly feeling, due to rejection and the deep scars that my birth parents had left me with. Satan was constantly attacking my mind making me feel worse, and making me feel like everything was my fault. Now I know that the devil is out to kill me! I realized, through a very close mentor, that holding on to the past, and letting those emotions plague me was causing me to be chained. I want to be free from the chains and ask God for strenghth to endure the past and the emotions that I carry.



http://www.verybestquotes.com/letting-go-give-us-freedom-picture-quotes/

    God is taking me through a season of healing. He wants me to learn to trust him with my life, and seek him with my whole heart. I am amazed by how He gently calms and brings peace to me when I feel empty and there is nothing left. At my school chapel last week, the pastor preached on 1 Peter 5:7, " Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you". The message really helped me to see that Jesus wants me to lay my burdens at his feet and he will take care of me. How blessed I am to serve a God who is so powerful, loving, and forgiving. Know I want to have faith to lay my past at Jesus feet and trust that he will take care of the rest.

A Very Special Day

My family in front of the Judge

On thinking of a topic to write about, I totally skipped over my adoption. I was adopted on September 30, 2012. A very exciting day for my family and I. Finally I was part of a healthy functioning family with many opportunities for me that weren't there before.  Now I would be enrolled in to a christian school, healthy family relationships, and be able to feel loved. I am not saying that I wouldn't miss any of my birth family when I was adopted. Letting go of what I knew for so long to be love, and family was hard, but it was for the better. The adoption was a major turning point in my life. I was twelve years old and didn't see the adoption as significant then. Now that I am older I see how much love my adoptive parents had for me. They sacrificed an easy life to adopt my brothers, sisters, and me. Anyways, on our family's adoption day we started the morning off at the court house where the adoption was legalized, and my last name changed from Dudley to Ness. Then we went out for breakfast with our extended family, and some of my birth family. Some of my birth family came to my adoption because they cared, and were excited for my family's new beginning. Later in the day my brothers, sisters, and I went back to school. When we got there the student council had a banner up congratulating our adoption,and made root beer floats. I am very grateful for the parents that God had lined up for me. He purposed for what he would do with my life and he knows what he is doing. As I look back now, I am grateful that God was with me through the rough times, and brought me to a very beautiful place to be adopted. If my parents had not answered God's calling on their life then I don't know where I would be today. I am very grateful for them and I don't think I could say enough to express my gratitude to them.

On my adoption day

 

Letting God define me, Not the world

  Recently I have been really trying to discover who I am and what makes me Destiny! For so long I was conforming to what other people wanted me to be. Well I found that conforming never will bring me happiness, it only left me feeling empty. Then came the decision to back away and learn about things that intrest me and do things that I like. I began to look at people beyond outward appearance and the typical label of "cool". I would get so bored at home not knowing what to do because I didn't know what I liked to do. I began to search and ask God to show me the gifts he has placed inside of me. Who would have ever known that I would break the generational chains on my life. A big majority of my birth family search for meaningless things to fill the pain. The only thing that could truly satisfy is Jesus. I'm trying to begin to search beyond the surface where it is comfortable and learn more about Jesus and what he wants for my life. I know I say that I am thankful for my parents a lot but it is so true. They have taught me so many things that I would never ever have known. I wouldn't of been able to take the past pain and hurt and find healing through Jesus' blood. God creates us to be set apart from the world so that others may see him through us. I am still learning and searching to know myself more and see myself as God sees me.

Romans 12:2
        " Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing, and perfect will".

Isaiah 64:8
   " Yet you, LORD, are our father, we are the clay, and you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand".

Psalm 139:23
Search me God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts".





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Never Alone, For God is with me

" Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things" Jeremiah 33:3(NIV)

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About a week ago as I sit in my room combing my little sisters hair, I began to think to myself. I wondered how come every time I feel like I get close to someone they walk away, break my heart, or hurt me? At the ending of this thought I hear this still small whisper saying "Destiny, I am showing you our relationship. Sometimes you are so close to me, then you walk a way for a season and it hurts me. Yet I still have the same love for so love them like I love you". WOW! There I was having myself a pity party and I was convicted. I felt so alone, like friends were walking away from me. I didn't really understand why. I really didn't know how to react or how to feel. I guess God uses these times to draw us closer to him. In all reality all we need is Jesus, but he gave us companionship on earth. My whole life I tried to fit in to groups of people searching for companionship. When I feel like I have found a good friend, it doesn't turn up that way. This past week I just wanted to start shutting people out so I wouldn't be hurt anymore. I know that would be wrong but I am so tired of the constant pain that is hovering over me. I put on a smile every day to hide the pain that aches deep down in my heart. It's easy to do because most people can't see the deep hurt I carry. I know the devil is out to destroy me. He is trying to make my pain worse. I know this because kids have school started saying things like " go die, everything is your fault". Even though I know that none of this is true it still hurts. I don't mind the teasing but saying things like that open wounds of rejection. God already knows that I would walk through these things.My human mind can't fathom the unending love he has for me.  I have walked through so many things that I never would have chosen. He allowed me to go through the pain and hurt to bring me to a point of maturity. So the next time I feel alone and empty, I will seek God because I know that he will never leave me. I also have a family who loves me.
     
          "Never Once"                                                                    

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful