A trip down memory lane

I have very good memories of my birth family and others not so good. Some of the best memories I have are with my birth moms parents. They used to let me spend the night and we would get up early in the morning and drive to Ocean City and stay in a hotel. I used to love spending time with them before I was taken away from my birth parents. I shared a lot of good memories with them. My grandpa was very funny and loving. I loved calling him and still talking to him when I came to live with the Ness's. Although he was someone I had great memories with him, I also have some that weren't so great. He drank a lot and I would cry because he would scare me even though he would never hurt me, he just liked to yell. I hated when there was a lot of tension around me because I was always on edge, scared of what would be coming at me next. One of the times I lost tremendous respect for my grandpa when a devastating event happened that I felt he willingly betrayed me. I was so shocked. My moms mom was a very nice grandmother. I used to tan with her when I was little and go to the store with her and get candy. One of my favorite memories was when I went crabbing with my grandparents. I asked my grandpa if I could measure the crabs and he said go ahead. So I put the measuring stick in and a crab hooked on to it. I pulled the stick out with the crab on it and shook the crab off on to the road. The crab began running down the road and my grandpa went chasing after it. It wasn't funny right then and there but as I look back I laugh at it.

I also have some great memories with my birth parents. I loved when my mom would paint my nails and do my hair. It made me feel special. I loved taking walks with my birth parents on the occasion that we did. I also remember one time when my mom drove us to the Nanticoke beach to see it. Some of my memories weren't so great. I remember one time my birth dad was very high and drunk. He proceeded to walk out of the house in green boxers, climbed on top of the porch rail and jumped off screaming that he was the hulk. Another bad memory was of my birth mom. We went over our neighbors house to watch a race. I was looking for my mom and they told me she went to the bathroom. Well I went and banged on the door calling for her. She walks out with this big pipe. I knew it was marijuana because at a very young age I was told what all this stuff was. I was so mad at her for doing it. I hashed out in immediate anger and hit her because I was so mad at her. I cried my eyes out feeling hurt and replaced. I would of been seven or so and yet I had enough sense then to know what she was doing was wrong. Another bad memory was when I was up late because there was a lot of people at our house. They were having a "drug" party. I heard my mom walk out of her bedroom so I ran in there to see what she was doing. To my dismay she had a piece of glass and a little straw sniffing cocaine. I dumped it out behind the desk and ran out. I think she was to high to realize it. It was scary because so many people were there so I was scared to go to bed. Probably about a week after their "party", one of the men that was their died of an overdose. His wife died  about a year later. It hurt me to think that my parents were leading to peoples death by letting them try these drugs. Another bad memory I have was when my birth dad drove into the bad parts of Baltimore city. He took me with him and we pulled up to a group of people and he told me to lay on the floor. I remember being so scared and hugging my teddy bear. Turns out that he was buying heroine. I know this blog seems to be primarily bad memories but I wasn't in a healthy family where good memories outweigh the bad. My world was upside down for a while.