A Blossoming Journey

Kasie, Our social worker and I meeting baby chickens
for the first time.

When I first came to stay with the Ness's for foster care, It was culture shock to me. I was used to listening to whatever I wanted, Watching whatever I wanted and doing whatever I wanted to a degree. At the Ness's house they only listened to christian music, watched specific shows, and had rules. It was very hard for me to adapt at first. Thankfully they were very understanding and worked very hard to help me and my siblings move out of some of our old habits and understand why they had the rules they had.I learned to love christian music. I was learning healthy boundaries and rules. I was so excited to be in a new family. I was always excited for church on Sundays even though I didn't understand it or what it meant, for me it was a new experience for us. I loved getting to  dress-up. I loved the little things we did together. One memory that vividly sticks out in my mind was the longing to be "loved" again. I was loved by my grandparents but most of the time they were buying my love by getting me things that I wanted. It never satisfied the deep, deep yearning for true love. I had no idea how to express it, I never new what true unconditional love was like. Yes, my birth parents loved me but it wasn't genuine love. Love involves sacrifice, time, patience and work. While I was in foster care with the Ness's I wondered why they were so different. They were so caring and loving. They had boundaries and were stern when they needed to be. I began to feel somewhat loved by them. It took me a long time to totally open up because I bottled in so much hurt and anger. I remember before I even came to live with the Ness's I always asked to call her mommy. She told us that we needed to wait for the social worker to say that it was ok. I was so blessed to go to my grandparents for a year of foster care then to a christian family. I really see so clearly know that God has his hand on my life and that he always has. I know he has plans for my life. I just pray that I will be open to follow God wherever he leads me and not hold back. I want to be his servant because of what he has done in my life. I don't know where my life would be without him. He has worked miraculously in my heart and is constantly renewing my mind and molding me to be more like him everyday, and for that I am very thankful.
The summer before I came to Faith Baptist  
                                 

 

One day when I was just messing around

My Mom, Ashton, and Chad. I was learning to use the camera.

 

Jeremiah 29:11

" For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Plans to give you a hope and a future".

How I met my foster parents

When I was living with my grandparents,my birth mom got pregnant. One night we were spending the night with my birth parents (which was against the rules), and early in the morning at about 1:00 in the morning I was rudely awakened and I come downstairs to my birth mom in labour! She had one of my brothers at home. They tied her umbilical cord and the ambulance came. Later that day we got a call that she had another boy about a half hour later. She went into labour very early because she didn't have the right prenatal care and she was heavily into drugs and minor drinking. The twins(picture to the right, they were newborns) were 10 weeks premature and were in the hospital for 4 weeks.The twins needed a foster family that could cater to their needs. There was a social worker that got up with Amy and Scott because she was a LPN and could take care of the twins properly. We had visits at my grandparents house and Amy would bring the twins to visit with us. I remember every time she would come, as we got to know her we would always beg to see where the twins lived. Amy said that she would take us at anytime. It then worked out that my grandfather had to go up to court for some reason so we got to go to the Ness's for a weekend. I was never so excited, we got to dress up and go to church. It was foreign to me but I though it was the fun thing to do. We learned new things. I learned how to straighten my hair and use my imagination. We went back with my grandparents and begged to go back. Finally my grandparents went to drop us off at our parents one time and there was a social worker there. She then and there decided that right there was proof for us to be removed. I was so excited and couldn't wait to go to the Ness's house again. It was all because of the birth of my twin brothers that my life would be changed forever:)

Removed from the old life

One morning when I woke up there were social workers at our house. I clearly remember my birthdad hiding upstairs because he was high, leaving my birthmom to face the workers alone. They were at the house for a little while talking to my mom about things she needs to fix in her parenting. The social workers left and then came back later and picked my brothers,sisters and I up. I remember them telling us on the way to my grandparents house that we would be going back in a couple of days, that my parents needed a couple of days to get some help. I remember looking back at the house and crying, I had so many mixed emotions that I wasn't sure what to feel. I was nine at the time, feeling ashamed and many other emotions. We were taken to my birth moms parent's house. The couple of days turned into a year. My grandparents didn't obey the rules at all. The social workers told them that we weren't allowed to be around my parents unless there was state supervision. My grandparents let us spend the night with my parents, let our parents come over and disobeyed some other rules. We were better taken care of health wise. There weren't many boundaries in place, we were allowed to wander the neighborhood and pretty much do whatever we wanted. I understand why there weren't many boundaries. My grandparents went from having no kids for a while to having five from the ages of nine to two. More to be read on my next blog!



www.adoptuskids.org/

My emotional roller coaster

It all started when I was about seven years old. We had these people in and out of house that were there to"help"us(social worker). My birth-parents were stuck in a very immature mentality and still are today due to heavy drug usage. Of course at age seven most kids are living their childhood dreams. Not me I was taking care of three siblings and going to school. I was forced to grow up fast, not by my own choosing. If I could of chosen staying young and having a normal childhood over being a little mommy at seven, I surely would of chosen to have a normal childhood. My childhood was normal to me because it was all I ever knew. On the occasion that I would get to go to my birth-dads mom house, I always got excited because I got to escape my world and being unaware that I was just entering another atmosphere of the same without all the responsibilities that I had at home. When I was at her house I got to stop the ice-cream truck and do girly things like painting my nails. I actually felt like a kid to a degree. Once all of the responsibilities at home started wearing me down, I always longed to be away from home. I was calling my grandparents trying to find a place to spend the night. I was always so lonely. I never really got along with kids at school, I was not the best dressed or well kept child.I always looked for acceptance in places that made me feel empty. I was never taught good hygeine skills from my birth-parents. Most of the things I did learn came from my grandparents when I would stay with them. I was so thankful for the teachers at the different schools I was going to. They were such good examples in my life at the time. All the other examples were teaching me to not care about my life. My birthparents let me watch whatever I wanted. I usually chose the scary movies, They brought a lot of fear into my future. This was a little glimpse into my early childhood:)